The Final Chapter

In spite of our agreement that we would stay in touch, boi failed to do so, and in fact just disappeared for months and months.

When he reappeared and I after I stopped yelling at him, he had this story to tell:

• His HIV + bf turned out to be a crystal meth addict.
• He himself soon began to use
• He became addicted himself (a natural outcome)
• He started to miss work
• He stopped going to the HIV clinic
• He got fired
• He could not get another job
• He was kicked out of his aunts house cause he was using and would not stop
• His family gave up on him for the 4th time in his life.
• He cheated, lied and hurt all those that used to love him
• He was committed to a program for several months
• Was on his road to recovery (which is an every day thing)
• He contacted me to say he was sorry and that he was going to stay in recovery and start a local 12 step program
• He then disappeared again, likely back to being an addict.

I did love him as my slave, I did offer forgiveness based on him staying clean and going to meetings.  He did not choose to honor that and so I have no love left for him.

I had a slave for became a Crystal Meth boi once before, and although I and his mother were able to help him break it (Oscar Hi!), it took months and so much pain....I just can not do it again.
It is the reason hat today I insist that any slave of mine be clean and drug free.

So those reading this please don't do drugs.

--master

•  

Boi to Venture Forth Sans Master

There can come a time in a master's relationship with his boi, that the master, if caring, will sense that his boi is ready to be "pushed out of the warm cozy nest" that a master provides.

 Such is the case with this boi.  Immediately before and following my boi becoming HIV+ he was desperate for support from his master to enable him to be strong and be able to go on regardless of the outcome.  I freely gave him that support and advice (well this master ALWAYS gives advice about everything in his bois' lives) with warmth and caring, as well as challenging him to think and accept his role in whatever the result was.

Boi has accomplished that very,very well and in fact now has a bf that he needs to spent time with and they are doing very well in supporting each other. Additionally, boi has assumed a high degree of responsibility for his life and the lives of others in the gay community and I believe he is destined to make a huge difference in HIV education for all gays, fund raising, and the acceptance of those who are +.

Although Boi will no longer be my slave, we both have agreed that we will keep in touch a lot, as time moves on.  He has asked that I still call him boi and I have agreed in order to honor the loving relationship we had and have. 

One picture says it all:



--Master

When It Comes to Unprotected Sex, Better Safe Than Sorry

As you know, Boi had a previous master who it turns out lied to him about his HIV status.  He told him he was negative, when he knew full well he was in fact, positive and then had unprotected sex with boi. The lesson boi learned a bit too late,  is that you should not trust anyone when dealing with such an important question and your own health.

Slaves and subs like to think that they need to obey every command, and it is incorrect to resist a master's demands, even if he wants to bareback.  But in my world, the world of homosexual coupling, each of us, including the slave, has to be solely responsible for his own health, safety and risk taking.

Take a peek at the poster and understand that you don't really know if he is positive or negative for a couple of reasons;

• You only know what he tells you, not whether it is factual or not ("How do you know, what you know?")
• Since HIV+ takes several weeks to show up, if the guy has had unprotected sex and has not been retested AFTER the three weeks, no one knows!

Boi maintains that IF he had known the guy was positive, he would of never ever had unprotected sex and possibly not even protected sex. His point is that he was not given the true facts so he could adequately judge the risks and then decide on an informed basis.

Boi complied with the State and Health Clinic requirements that he list his sexual partners and who he thought he got infected by.  The Clinic will then be in touch those men, in order to inform them of boi's HIV status, and recommend that they come in to be tested.  Should the person he thinks infected him have also been reported by others, they may take action with the local legal entity to further investigate the potential criminal actions of the person.

It is not a crime to be HIV +, but as boi points out in his recent blog, in most states it is a crime to not inform a sexual partner of your + HIV status before you have sex with or without a condom, if you are positive.  To not do so is considered at the minimum, reckless behavior with the intent to potentially harm others and is punishable by law.

Consequently, boi also faces an issue now what he should do about the guy who he believes purposefully told him he was negative, even though he wasn't, and then insisted on bareback unprotected sex, thus infecting boi. Such action is a criminal offense in most states, including boi's.

Boi knows from others that the guy is still active sexually, and he doesn't believe the guy will suddenly change colors and tell his partners he is +, nor stop having unprotected sex.

The question is: should boi file a criminal compliant?  If he does, and should they, after investigation, press charges against the guy, is boi ready for his own gay sexuality to be paraded in front of a court or newspapers? What obligation does boi have to other likely victims; to society? Hasn't boi already been put through enough? Does boi have a moral obligation to try and protect others from this guy?

              Yes, treatment of HIV has greatly improved the length of life, but the impact on the person and others is  HUGE: 

  > The cost of treating boi is approximately $20,000/year (more than 100% of his paycheck)
    >As a contract employee, boi has no health insurance and has applied to get assistance to  pay for the drugs and in order to survive
   > In the early days of AIDS life expectancy from the day of the confirmed test+ was about 3 years, in 2006 it is closer to 22 years and has been increasing each year (much better, but still shorter than normal life expectancy and of course at a much higher lifetime cost, which can easily exceed $450,000)
>Should boi ever cease treatment,  he knows that death would be the result



What do you think boi should do in regard to filing a criminal compliant?  (Hit the comment button, and leave your comments).

--Master

The Results

Hello everybody,

Yesterday was my appointment to receive the results of my confirmatory HIV test. I have received an official diagnosis as HIV positive. I'm actually taking this very well. This may sound weird to hear but it was kind of a relief to hear the confirmation results. Do not get me wrong it is still scary, but I have hope for the future. All that one can have is hope and that is the most important thing.

This disease is becoming more  manageable, with increased life spans, and should not be as feared as the social stigma surrounding it implies; as long as you are not stupid about things. One should be cautious when sexually with an individual who is HIV positive so as not to get it, and those who have it should be cautious as well so as not to spread infection further and also for their personal well being and health.

While this is a manageable condition you still need to take care of yourself to keep from becoming sick. Through proper diet and exercise, getting enough sleep, and doing all of those little things that your doctor has instructed you to do for years anyway in conjunction with medication you can live a very healthy and long life. Just little changes to your everyday life style can also help you feel better not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well.

One thing that I would like to mention for those who might not know, is if you have HIV, you should continue to be careful about who you are so having sex with and how. Your viral load or viral count can be raised significantly by another strain of the virus from another infected partner. Just because you already have HIV, does not mean that you cannot be "re infected" with another strain of the virus, and just make matters worse; and shorten your life even more.

If you are on medication for HIV be aware that  the medications that your partners taking, especially HIV medications, can weaken the effectiveness of your meds and cancel them out.

Therefore, ALWAYS use protection and be safer. Trust me, I know that the last thing many guys want is to encase their dick in a desensitizing material such as latex, but the benefits of doing so far outweigh the possible negative outcome. Also, I now know this real time and wish I never had anal sex with anyone, except with protection. You would be smart to make this your pledge to yourself and your partners.

If you also are going through the discovery of being HIV+, recognize that it is a struggle and it is very difficult both mentally and physically. You can, however, have hope. I encourage you to find a doctor that you can trust and to seek comfort from a friend, family member, counselor, priest, or for what its worth even, myself. You do have a reason to live, to hope, and to accomplish ...you should not just withdraw and give up...I promised myself never to do that.

There is no need to go through this alone, because that will only make it harder to deal with. You need to be able to come to terms with it and accept that until a cure is found it will not be going away; you will not be cured, but you can live a fruitful life in spite of it.

 First off, be honest with yourself and the people you are having sex with. I'm going to remind everybody that in most states it is very illegal to not tell your sexual partner that you are HIV positive. If for any reason that person were to contract the virus from you and you didn't say anything you could be spending the next 5-15 years in prison, PLUS you would be responsible for causing someone else to be incurably sick. Be honest, don't lie about it, protect yourself and others.

Yours,
--Boi

Confirmation Day

Boi has his final test result appointment at the Health Clinic this coming Monday.  The results of the longer method for HIV will be available then.  He fully expects his early test of + to be confirmed, but he would accept a false positive with glee. 

Since there is a very small chance of that happening and since he can't begin his treatment assessment until after this test result, he is anxious to get it over with and move on to what he has to do. He has already used his network of friends, who have been very supportive,  to get an appointment with the leading  doctor for HIV + in his state.

Meanwhile, he has been struggling with who to tell and who not to tell. As a person's medical condition is a very personal and private matter, he is taking it one person at a time. In order to avoid any discrimination he will not advise his employer or people he comes into contact with in his work, as there is no risk to them and no need for them to know.  He is telling his very close friends, as they are the means of his emotional support and they have been very responsive.

He has been invited to be with his family in another state for Thanksgiving at the end of November, and is struggling how best to tell them of his condition. This is further complicated by their reluctance to accept the fact that he is gay, even though he came out years ago to them. I am hopeful that his family will now be able to get beyond this hurdle of blame and denial and embrace him with their positive emotional support.

Boi deserves no less. 

--master

Boi's Anticipation....

I want to first thank everyone who has been asking about me. I am doing well. Trying to stay strong. Master, as he had mentioned in his last post, is in constant contact with me and has been relaying every one's comments and concerns.

The family and friends that I have told are trying to be strong and not show that they are worried about the situation, but I can see the concern on their faces. I feel like I have to be strong, not just for myself but for them as well, while we wait for the second set of results.

I haven't even been able to bring myself to cry. I don't feel like I can allow myself to be vulnerable. I have to be strong. I have to be a good boi and not show my fear.

I've been trying my hardest to distract myself with whatever I can think of. I went out dancing the other night, which I never do. Two of my best friends had me over last night for movies and pizza to get my mind off of everything. Going out to dinner, listening to music, any little thing I can to not think about it.

As I wait for the results of my confirmatory test I'm filled with a mix of many different emotions.

• Fear of what might happen going forward and how my life might be affected by this.
•  Anger at myself for allowing this to happen, as well as anger to the man who lied to me.
• Sadness that this is happening to other people as well because the people they were with were not truthful.
• Thankful that I have a great support system of loving friends and family.

I'm going to be strong.I am going to focus on staying healthy for a long, long time.

 I used to know an Anglican monk who would meditate using this mantra:

Breathing in I calm my spirit,
Breathing out I sigh.
Living only in this moment,
I know this is a beautiful moment.

--Boi

My Boi and Current State

Some slaves, who I am currently master to, and who are following this blog have written and asked how my boi is doing.  The have expressed both caring and concern, as well as relief that they are not having to face what he is likely facing.

First, the best way to communicate with boi is to simply add a comment to a post. We have set up the blog, so that it accepts all comments from all. I know it would mean a lot to him to hear from you.  He gets very excited when I tell him about unposted comments I get from other slaves who know me.

It seems that posting the link of Recon has generated a lot of interest and connection with master/slave relationships.  This is not to say that I am a typical master at all, cause most slaves tell me I am not...so perhaps the slaves like the blog more than other hard nose masters, who might see me as an out liner and too concerned about my slaves.

Boi has expressed well his feelings of fear prior to the second test and the helplessness of his first + test result, which has to be confirmed and takes about 2 weeks.  He has not posted recently; understandably.

As I talk with him several times every day, I can tell you he was sad, despondent and then very angry.  He still has anger, but now that is mixed with the realization he can get on with his life in spite of being HIV+.  The next medical treatment stage can not begin until the result of the retest are in and confirm the infection.

 He has met with some guys who are + and they have been sharing their feelings and treatment.  He has received some initial counseling as to what to expect should the retest come out positive.  He is struggling with who to share his condition (family, friends) and when and why.  Conversely, he has no hesitation to share his HIV status with any likely sexual partner.

Some might ponder, whether the seriousness of the direction that the blog has now taken will deter readers.  Boi and I talked about it, and we both felt that sharing the realities of being sexual, gay and at risk, depending on our behavior, was an important thing to do....although we certainly wish it wasn't as real as it has become.

I think he will post, but perhaps not before the result of the retest....meanwhile feel free to add some of your comments to our posts and share your feelings with him. 

--Master