Boi's Anticipation....

I want to first thank everyone who has been asking about me. I am doing well. Trying to stay strong. Master, as he had mentioned in his last post, is in constant contact with me and has been relaying every one's comments and concerns.

The family and friends that I have told are trying to be strong and not show that they are worried about the situation, but I can see the concern on their faces. I feel like I have to be strong, not just for myself but for them as well, while we wait for the second set of results.

I haven't even been able to bring myself to cry. I don't feel like I can allow myself to be vulnerable. I have to be strong. I have to be a good boi and not show my fear.

I've been trying my hardest to distract myself with whatever I can think of. I went out dancing the other night, which I never do. Two of my best friends had me over last night for movies and pizza to get my mind off of everything. Going out to dinner, listening to music, any little thing I can to not think about it.

As I wait for the results of my confirmatory test I'm filled with a mix of many different emotions.

• Fear of what might happen going forward and how my life might be affected by this.
•  Anger at myself for allowing this to happen, as well as anger to the man who lied to me.
• Sadness that this is happening to other people as well because the people they were with were not truthful.
• Thankful that I have a great support system of loving friends and family.

I'm going to be strong.I am going to focus on staying healthy for a long, long time.

 I used to know an Anglican monk who would meditate using this mantra:

Breathing in I calm my spirit,
Breathing out I sigh.
Living only in this moment,
I know this is a beautiful moment.

--Boi

My Boi and Current State

Some slaves, who I am currently master to, and who are following this blog have written and asked how my boi is doing.  The have expressed both caring and concern, as well as relief that they are not having to face what he is likely facing.

First, the best way to communicate with boi is to simply add a comment to a post. We have set up the blog, so that it accepts all comments from all. I know it would mean a lot to him to hear from you.  He gets very excited when I tell him about unposted comments I get from other slaves who know me.

It seems that posting the link of Recon has generated a lot of interest and connection with master/slave relationships.  This is not to say that I am a typical master at all, cause most slaves tell me I am not...so perhaps the slaves like the blog more than other hard nose masters, who might see me as an out liner and too concerned about my slaves.

Boi has expressed well his feelings of fear prior to the second test and the helplessness of his first + test result, which has to be confirmed and takes about 2 weeks.  He has not posted recently; understandably.

As I talk with him several times every day, I can tell you he was sad, despondent and then very angry.  He still has anger, but now that is mixed with the realization he can get on with his life in spite of being HIV+.  The next medical treatment stage can not begin until the result of the retest are in and confirm the infection.

 He has met with some guys who are + and they have been sharing their feelings and treatment.  He has received some initial counseling as to what to expect should the retest come out positive.  He is struggling with who to share his condition (family, friends) and when and why.  Conversely, he has no hesitation to share his HIV status with any likely sexual partner.

Some might ponder, whether the seriousness of the direction that the blog has now taken will deter readers.  Boi and I talked about it, and we both felt that sharing the realities of being sexual, gay and at risk, depending on our behavior, was an important thing to do....although we certainly wish it wasn't as real as it has become.

I think he will post, but perhaps not before the result of the retest....meanwhile feel free to add some of your comments to our posts and share your feelings with him. 

--Master

My Boi Is and Will Be Strong

I was out of town all day and just got back to read Boi's blog and now understand why his phone was off. As his friend and master I am concerned and upset that the results of this test indicated he is HIV+.  Likewise all his friends and family were all hoping and in prayer for him during this difficult time.

He has  indicated that he won't be posting for a while and that is up to him to decide the future of this shared blog.

After the second sample is run using the longer method, assuming it confirms the +, he will first get counseling and then set up with an expert doctor to develop the therapy and treatment.  The rate of treatment will depend on his cell count and other factors, but he is correct that him being positive is no longer a death sentence it was a few years ago.

Meanwhile, I know all you readers will support him in this time of need, as you feel appropriate.

I am sure he will read any and all encouraging comments you post here.

--master

PS Here is a link to a standard info sheet that health care professionals will furnish to boi to better familiarize him with treatments programs:

http://aidsinfo.nih.gov/contentfiles/HIVandItsTreatment_cbrochure_en.pdf

A long day

I apologize but I'm going to probably not write anything for a little while. I just got back from the clinic a little while ago. Before the test was up the worker i was with said that even though the test hadn't finished she could tell that it was coming back HIV positive.

They had me take a second blood test for confirmation but I won't know the results of that test for about 2 weeks. I asked what the probability of the first one being a false positive and I was told the chances of that are around 1%, but it is important to have the second test for confirmation, before starting treatment.

I'm very shaken up right now. I know that this isn't the death sentence that it once was but to hear a doctor say that as your result is even more scary than I can even begin to describe. The fear, shock, sadness, and anger flood over you.

I'm glad that I was able to have a family member go with me. I went back by myself to have the test redone but my Aunt drove me up and was in the waiting room for me.

Well I'm going to go since this is still very fresh and sinking in.
--Boi

The Night Before The Day: Scared

I'm scared.

I lie awake, sleepless and alone.

In the silence I'm reminded of a song:

 Tiredness fuels

Empty thoughts
I find myself disposed
Brightness fills
Empty space
In search of Inspiration

I keep thinking "What if I am?" that phrase keeps resounding in my head... A gentle lullaby echoing through the inner constructs of my mind.

A brilliant linguist once theorized that the different combinations of sounds effect the human mind and body differently. He even said that out of all the possible combinations of sounds that could form phrases in the English language the most pleasing phrases to the human ear, when taken out of their contexts, are "cellar door" and "windowsill". These I do not hear.

I hear "What if I am?" ....and when I do, I feel fear. The sound of it as it falls on my ears is sweet and bitter at the same time. It's like a breeze that's just too cold. Sweet and gentle, somehow calming in a way, but cuts me right to the bone.

I need to try to sleep. I just want tomorrow to be over with.
-- Boi

Halloween Bad boi

As you heard I had an awesome Halloween costume party over the weekend. My date and I looked very stylish together. I decided to be a Risqué Phantom of the Opera wearing just a pair of leather short shorts, a cape, painted mask, a black fedora and holding a leather rose. It was a great way for me to get my mind off things. And yes, I sang way too much over the course of the evening, especially with how much I had to drink. Master made sure that I wouldn't be doing anything stupid so I arranged to crash with a couple of friends who were the designated drivers for the party.



I was a bad boy the other night and got off without the permission of my master. I of course am on cum control and am only allowed to jack myself off to the edge and am not allowed to cum unless my master tells me that I can. I was extremely horny and had been jacking myself to the edge several times. However the 4th time I had edged myself, I had gotten to close and couldn't stop from cumming. That of course is no excuse for being selfish and wasting my cum without my master telling me too.

My master was not happy with me about it when he found out that I came and decided that I needed to be punished. He commanded me to tie up my balls with the end of a shoestring and then tie the other end to my big toe so that when I would try to straighten my leg my balls would stretch. He then proceeded to have me jack myself to the edge repeatedly and commanded me to smack my already stretched balls.

After a while master told me to finger fuck myself hard and deep while I continued to get myself off. I had been edged several times by that point and was dying to cum. He still hasn't allowed me to cum.
He was disappointed with me that I would do something like cum without him. I can't take my master being disappointed with me. That feeling of dissatisfaction is the worst punishment a boy can be given. I hope to never have to experience that again.

Testing starts tomorrow at 1pm for my next HIV test. A close family member is going with me to a local free clinic. With this clinic if I were to have a confirmed positive result come up on a test they would help me to be able to have counseling, doctors, get my meds, and get into support groups. This will be my 6 week test. At 6 weeks, as master has said, they have a pretty high probability of knowing whether or not you've contracted it. The final test however is still at 3 months...and more waiting.



I want this to be over with. The whole idea of not knowing is killing me. I am strong. I have to be. I feel like if I am not and were to waiver or doubt, just falter one molecule of my being, I would be defeated. I can't have that. Defeat is giving in to the doubt that you are not strong enough to overcome.

Yours,

--Boi

Master Trains Boi in Obedience

Boi had fun at a Halloween Costume party and went as the Phantom in  "Phantom of the Opera". Boi sang his heart out apparently as he was quite hoarse today....or perhaps that was the after party effects?  Boi had strict instructions not to drink and drive and not to cum and if sex occurred he was to insist on protection. He made it through the party and the morning after in strict obedience , but confessed that he came the next day by wanking late at night....but only cause he didn't stop soon enough. (unhuh).

So boi got a refresher course in obedience and I am sure he will share with you  what he was forced to do and how that went.

 Boi's 2nd HIV test is on Wednesday and as master can not be with him, a close family member volunteered to be with him. It only takes 15 minutes for the results now, but as he will tell you it is likely  to be the longest 15 minutes in his life.  As you know Boi was neg for his first test, and if neg for this second test, there is about a 85% assurance that he will be negative in the third and final test, in another 30 days.

By the way, the person who had unprotected anal sex with boi without first telling him that he was HIV positive will be deemed to have committed a felony in boi's state, should the boi be positive. Regardless of the law, the right thing to do is to be honest about your HIV status with any partner and to always have protected anal sex. This applies for both top and bottom.

Need more info on HIV?  Go here:  http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/testing/resources/qa/index.htm

 In response to his post later tonight, feel free to post comments of support prior to Wednesday.

By the way, comments questions, etc and your votes are all great things to do, so we can better serve your interests in our slave/master happenings....don't be bashful.

--Master

This Master's Use of Punishment

Reading boi's post 2 days ago where he describes his training and focuses of the types of punishment that has been used to train him, I think I should explain a bit my view.

• Punishment is not only meted out to a slave because he has fucked up or disobeyed
• The majority of punishment in most slave/master relationships is used to test the slave's willingness to submit to the master.
• It provides the slave the opportunity to submit to the master and prove his obedience in order to please him
• As a master, I always have in place limits and a safe word which I never ever ignore or violate.
• Some slaves I train believe I might be a sadist as their punishment hurts and does cause pain, but in my case I do not punish unless the slave is hard, with his cock erect. I find a soft cocked slave boring and not sexual in the least.
• For me punishing an erect slave and edging him between punishment is very erotic and highly sexual
• I have my own limits in regard to punishment: No blood, No permanent damage to boi
• Boi has and will I am sure describe whatever punishment I met out to him, so you will see quite a variety
• A slave who likes punishment a lot and gets a sexual high from pain is termed a masochist
• Masochist slaves usually enjoy my training a lot and come back again and again for more and even want their limits pushed (certainly less than 10% of slaves are masochists).  Some even fuck up in order to beget more and more punishment.
• Yet all slaves should expect some form of physical punishment.
• Having said that about physical punishment, the actually worst punishment for a slave is separation from his master.  If a slave of mine is willfully disobedient I am more likely to punish him by banning him from talking to me or being trained by me for a set number of days. Most slaves find this punishment to be almost unbearable.

--Master

Slave Boys' Bill of Rights

In response to my boi's recent post, someone actually wrote a Bill of Rights for gay slaves that should be accepted by both parties in a slave/master relationship, or at least each item discussed and resolved.  Here it is:

Boy Bill of rights :

1. Every boy has the right to have his body, intellect, and emotions protected by his Dom.

2. Every boy has the right to choose the man whom he serves and to discontinue that service and take his leave without being subjected to physical, mental,or emotional abuse.

3. Every boy has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in his submission.

4. Every boy has the right to protected sex if he so wishes.

5. Every boy has the right to privacy if he so wishes. No boy can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.

6. Every boy has the right to defend himself from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

7. Every boy has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.

8. Every boy has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and Doms without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.

9. Every boy has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.

10. Every boy has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.

--Master

The Care of a Slave and Responsiblity of a Master

Hey everyone,

This is your friendly neighborhood boi. I want to talk about the trust between a master and his boy(s).

The foundation of a master/slave relationship from the boy's perspective is  for him to find safety in his master and trusting him completely.

It's been my experience that too many masters do not understand or buy into this concept. In these situations they just expect the boy to obey his master without question and without any regard to the well being and safety of the boy.

I believe, when the boy is the property of his master and is supposed to follow orders, it is the responsibility of the master nurture to a relationship of trust between him and his boy. When a master is untruthful and incites mistrust , it is not conducive to a good or healthy bond between the master and his slave. The owned boy always trusts his master completely and reaches out to him for support security he finds in his master and believes it is there.

 The boy only wants to please his master and in return is seeking the safety and security from the control of his master. Once again, that is based on the boy's trust of his master. If a boy trusts his master, he will not hesitate to do anything for him. If the trust is broken, it can be very unhealthy and dangerous for the boy.

In the very recent past, I had blindly trusted and obeyed every command that was given by my previous master, including him ordering me to be fucked bareback (BB) without protection, even though we both had agreed in advance that BB was a limit. .Unprotected sex is something I very rarely did and onlyafter having both being tested and in a committed mono relationship of several months.

Once I had given in to him that one time, he told me to suck it up and just take his seed  in the ass again and again. Then I found from a friend of mine, and a plethora of other people, that he was lying to me about his HIV status.

Repeatedly, he told me he was HIV negative and scarily even after I had the opposite information, I still wanted to trust, because he was my master. At first, I went to him seeking security, rather than  listening to my friends who were trying to protect me. I did this l because I  thought I had safety with him and wanted to be able to trust him and not believe that he would lie to me about anything, much less something as serious as this. He was my master after all.

Then it hit me, it sunk in, he was not trust worthy and I had the obligation to protect myself.  So now from personal experience,  I have learned a valuable lesson, even though the consequences still remain unknown. I am currently still in the process of getting tested, and am scared even more for several reasons that I will not mention here.

As you can imagine, I have been scared and worried about the result of each test over the required 3 month period. My new master was not aware of what had happened, and recently found me in a not so great emotional state because of this, as my next test date approaches this next week. A couple of nights ago,  I was extremely distraught and on the verge of tears, sitting in my car wanting to drink myself into a stupor, when he im'ed.

 He had me video call him back right then, and after I unloaded it all on him, he told me to give myself a hug since he couldn't be there. It is because of this comforting, and knowing that he does actually care about the well being of his boi, that I can talk about it today. I also want to share with all slaves/submissive like me, the responsibility that you have to protect yourself. I don;t want anyone to go through what I am going though of living in absolute fear as a consequence of my misplaced trust and just being dumb.  It has taken a lot of work to be able to trust another man after this experience, but with my new master I have become more and more trusting as my training goes on and our relationship grows. It is true that each master is different.

In conclusion, the trust between the master and slave is what builds a firm foundation between the two individuals. To all masters I say be responsible and  give your boy the trust and the security he  needs and deserves to be able to submit himself to you.

 Respectfully,
 --Boi
ps: see below how boi felt after talking about all this to his new master

The torment

Since I have only just begun training I haven't been exposed to too much along the lines of pain and torment from my master. Each time he trains me it gets a little more intense. He thought it would be a good idea to do hypnosis with me to start off where a special trigger phrase is used to make me more submissive. It actually worked great and felt awesome, although my master has since realized that his boi would do anything for him regardless.

So far our training sessions have been mainly cock and ball torture (cbt) and self beating with a few other "lessons" mixed in. I will grip my balls firmly and smack aggressively or punch them while he counts. For someone who has very sensitive balls that does hurt immensely. He also will have me put an arm behind my back and have me smack myself hard on the chest. He's even had me whip myself on the chest with a belt. The last time my master had me do that, I had welts on my chest through the next day. The pain of these "lessons" is very intense and at times I don't think I can take it with the extreme that's being used, but I want so much to do anything to make my master happy and proud of his boy.

One thing that was very difficult for me to do was controlled partial asphyxiation. One of my biggest fears is death by strangulation or suffocating. I had almost drowned when I was younger and since then have had an intense fear of it. When my master had me do this, all I could do was trust him. He told me never ever to do this on my own...and I will not.

What made it even more difficult was that I was doing it to myself, but this was a command that I had to follow. I of course could have invoked the safety word we have in place but I have yet to use it.  The feeling was definitely different. After having beaten my nipple raw with a belt he had me edge my cock while I choked myself with my belt.  He then commanded his boi to jack myself off while  oxygen was slowly being drained from my body. Unfortunately I was not allowed to cum because I am still on cum control. My master decides if and when I cum and had instructed not too.

The cum control is something that is very,very hard for me. I have gone from getting off 4-8 times a day to not getting off at all for days. In fact, I  even woke up this morning soaked in my own cum from cumming in my sleep because I hadn't had a release in so long. I didn't even have a wet dream; in fact there was absolutely nothing sexually appealing about the dreams that I remember what so ever.

 I on many occasions now have almost cum forgetting the restriction. For example, when training my boy as my master's Alpha, I get so turned on by watching him do various commands that I give him that I can't help but want desperately to get myself off. It's all that I can do in a situation such as that to not ejaculate.  To make it worse my master has told me to edge, but not cum while I train my boy.

He hasn't had to punish me for my own behavior but once, for being late to work. I do try my hardest to be a good boy, but when I mess up, my master is disappointed. His punishment for being late was that until I finished a certain work goal set for me by my master, I was not allowed piss, period. The goal was not an easy one and 3 hours later I had finally achieved it. This command was of course given after I has just had a large drink on the way to work and I already had to piss anyway....it was sooooooooooooo hard not to piss...and when I did piss my master made be go to the large men's room and piss at the urnial with my pants and shorts down to the floor. It freaked me out that someone might come in...but it made me hard and even more difficult to finally piss.

Well I need to be getting to bed. Sleep well all.

--Boi

Boi Starts To Learn to Be an Alpha

Boi has been wanting to be an Alpha Slave for master for some time. I have had only one other Alpha in my expereince as a master. That Alpha is in NYC completing his master's at NYU. He trains slaves I send to him in the New York City area. I have known the first Alpha for over 5 years, having trained him through his undergrad years.

The use of Alphas by masters is pretty limited as most master are very possessive regarding their slaves and dislike sharing. To be a successful Alpha you must be  at least 50/50in regard to your sub/dom role comfort zone. It is unlikely that a sub who is only a little bit dom will never be a good Alpha.

For those unfamiliar with this concept, the Alpha role is similar to that of an alpha dog who leads the pack, for example in dog sled teams. He acts on behalf on his master in training, counseling, and even punishing, the master's property. The Alpha is still subservient to the Master in all.

For me to make Boi an Alpha, he first had to convince me by his thought and actions that he was capable and responsible.  So far he is an "Alpha with training wheels". He shares all the discussions and activities he has with the newbie slave that he was given with me. He is free to ask my advice off line regarding his relationship and the training of the newbie slave.

In my case, I do not come between the Alpha and the newbie slave, in the slave's training.  The newbie slave knows that I am the Alpha's master and that he has been assigned to the Alpha, as his slave, and takes all direction from him.However,  I will approve the limits for the newbie slave.

As you see below Boi is quite taken with his newbie slave, but understands his responsibility.  It is interesting that Boi is basing his training of newbie on what he is learning from this master...that relationship between us is the standard that he is striving to use, as he goes forward. At some point, he will hit a bump in the road, as all slaves are different and need different things, just as all relationships are different...but we will see...meanwhile the training wheels are still bolted on.

--Master

The boi

Good evening,
For anonymity sake and because this is what my master has chosen to call me, I will simply be referred to as boi. This is my introduction as my masters slave.
I am a 25 year old slave. An alpha boy in training. The choice to be a slave to my master was all my own as I had been given that choice in the beginning of our arrangement. Everything about me is his to command as he sees fit, whether it be sexual or other. I choose to give myself wholly to him in any way that he asks. He has full control of every aspect of my life and I obey my master without question. He controls who I associate with, who I date(yes I am allowed to date), who I have sex with, even when I am able to cum.

I care about my master very much and he in turn cares for me. He takes an active part and interest in the going ons of his boi. In both personal life and public he helps me to better myself and be more confident as his property.

For me, the role of a slave is not just for sexual pleasure, this is an all day, everyday truth. I know from the time that I wake up in the morning to the time I go to sleep that I am owned by my master and no one else. I work as hard as I can to be able to please my master. I want nothing more than to hear him say "good boy". No matter what the situation may be (work, friends, activities, etc) the only thing that resonates through my head is whether or not it would please him.

As an alpha boi in training I actually have been given a boy of my own to control. My hope is to be able to be if at least half the man to my boy that my master is to me. My boy is early 20s, smart, beautiful, and I care about him a lot. He was introduced to me by my masters part of my training and I try to impart what I have learned and am learning to him.

The role of alpha boi is something that is important to me and one that I hope to be able to accomplish. The alpha is the top of the chain and is respected by his master's other boys. An alpha is confident, well trained, and can be trusted by the master to become a master to the slaves beneath him when needed.

I hope that through this blog you are able to understand the relationship both physically, emotionally, and psychologically of the master slave relationship. I look forward to posting more on here and hearing what you as the reader has to say, but for now I must say good night.

Yours Always
Boi

 I am a 33 year old master who loves to control a boi sexually. I want to own him. I want him to desire nothing more than obey and sacrifice for his master. Key to that is his sexual release, or lack of the opportunity to achieve an ejaculation, unless I give him permission in advance. I love to torment him by edging him for long periods of time, then punish him , then edge him again.  In this way he learns that I am more important to his happiness than a quick sexual release.

I have a new online slave who is in his mid 20's and is very hungry and horny for sexual control. We both have agreed to share with the readers our feelings and his training and how it goes as our relationship progresses. He is free to post his own comments as well as any pictures he wants that show him in training.  Although his training is online, it is quite intense and the emotions and feelings very real.  What you read here does apply and have relevance to face to face relationships of master and slave..

We both are gay and single and have significant interests beyond just sex.  In our case those interests are key to a continuing relationship that takes on a more goal view of life and reality.

Honesty, truth and mutual respect is actually key to the master/slave relationship. Foremost is that the slave trust his master in all aspects of the relationship....as the reader will learn.

--Master